War of the Words
by ang catalonan
Summary: 10th set up: Cuddy is missing a chart. House and Wilson have it. I wonder what they would do with it?
1. WotW 1

Hey! It's me again. I can't stop writing!

Somebody stop me!

It is an idea that dawn into me this morning while I was researching for pick-up lines I will use for my other story.

Please bear in mind that this is full fluff. Right now, I don't know if there will be some linear story that's gonna happen. All these are conversations I picture House and Cuddy having. Mostly, House threw her here with pick-up lines.

**Disclaimer: **Classic.

* * *

**HOUSE: **Cuddy, hey! You look messed up. I can bet you haven't slept and bathed since yesterday. 

**CUDDY: **Of course, you can. (_received a chart from nurse Brenda; rolling her eyes)_

**HOUSE: **Anyway, I have a suggestion. Why don't you try to save water and shower with a friend.

**CUDDY: **_(wrinkled her forehead)_

**HOUSE: **hey… I'm a friend…

**CUDDY: **_(walked away) _

**HOUSE: **Heey! We're friends!

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**HOUSE: **_(walked in the clinic)_

**CUDDY: **_(threw him an angry glare) _You're late! Fourth time this week---

**HOUSE: **_(stopped and stared at Cuddy's lips dreamily) _

**CUDDY:** ---and its only Friday which means **you **came in not late only once---

**HOUSE: **_(remained to look at her as if stunned) _

**CUDDY: **---WHAT?

**HOUSE: **I think I love you but I can't be sure until I kiss you…

**CUDDY:** _(one eyebrow rising) _Exam room One and Two. Finish you're quota and you might get lucky.

**HOUSE: **_(smiled inwardly) _

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**HOUSE: **CUDDY!

**CUDDY: **_(paused on the opening of the hospital door and looked at him from behind)_

**HOUSE: **Going home already?

**CUDDY: **I think it's about time, its 10:45 P.M. already. What are still doing here?

**HOUSE: **_(limped his way to her) _Can you help me find my puppy?

**CUDDY: **_(frown) _You have a puppy? Since when? How?

**HOUSE: **That's beside the point. Just help me find him…

**CUDDY:** Fine. When and where have you lost him?

**HOUSE: **_(shrugged shoulders) _

**CUDDY:**Where do you think he went?

**HOUSE: **I think he went into a cheap motel room a few blocks from here. Maybe he checked in?

**CUDDY: **_(walked away, annoyed) _

**HOUSE: **What? Have you no pity for the little being of joy?

**CUDDY: **Nice try. _(get in her car and started it)_

**HOUSE:** As if I would like to check in a motel with you!?!

**CUDDY:** _(car already hitting the road) _

**HOUSE: **Damn! Got to find something that will work!

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**HOUSE: **Sunshine! Clothes look heavy on you, want to relieve some?

**CUDDY:** Yes. Sure. But not with you.

**HOUSE: **With whom? Wilson?

**CUDDY:** No. New assistant, male, newly grad. Very handsome.

**HOUSE: **Shame on you, pedophile!

**CUDDY: **Die there in envy! _(winked at him and entered her office) _

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**CUDDY: **_(sitting on her office chair, signing papers while he stood opposite her table) _No!

**HOUSE: **I really need to CT scan her head!

**CUDDY:** _(stopped and looked at him) _She's not your patient! She's Dr. Quiocho's patient! She ordered for the CT. Therefore, she gets the result.

**HOUSE: **Then, I'll order another CT!

**CUDDY: **No, you're not. _(waved her hand as if to shoo him away) _Leave her alone. Find a patient of your own, for Christ sake!

**HOUSE: **_(closed his eyes and raised his hands to the air as if praying and started chanting unrecognizable words) _

**CUDDY:** _(lifted her head from the paper works)_ What psycho-drama is it now?

**HOUSE: **_(eyes opened but did not lower hands) _I have made an ancient voodoo chant so that you would let me snatch her patient!

**CUDDY: **Go away.

**HOUSE: **Don't make me use it on you.

**CUDDY: **_(smirked impatiently)_

**HOUSE: **Cuddy, I have a proposition…

**CUDDY: **Go away. _(went back to reading and signing papers) _

**HOUSE: **I say we compromise. You get something from me and I get what I want. Dr. Quiocho… forget about her…

**CUDDY:** GO AWAY!

**HOUSE: **Then, you're leaving me no other choice but to use Voodoo on you!

**CUDDY: **_(reached for the intercom and stared at him challengingly) _

**HOUSE: **_(he did not felt threaten) _Huuummmn, huuuuuumn… Be prepared for my voodoo, Cuddy! I warned you!

**CUDDY: **_(pushed the button) _Armed security to my office, now! Mad man molester in here.

**HOUSE: **GIRLS LIKE CUDDY ARE SEXY, GUYS LIKE ME ARE FINE. I'LL BE YOUR SIX IF YOU'LL BE MY NINE!

**CUDDY: **_(jaw dropped) _No. Thank you.

**HOUSE: **No. Don't thank me. Thank **God** somebody even asked you!

**CUDDY: **Ah! Bastard! _(throwing him her black wireless computer mouse) _

**HOUSE: **_(dodge from it successfully and hid behind the door. He let a few moment pass before he sticked his head out of her door again) _I can tell that you want me…

**CUDDY: **Yes. I want you to leave. _(3 security personnel came in to her first glass door)_ Security! Take him out!

_(minutes after: her phone rang) _

**HOUSE: **By the way, Cuddy. Quiocho's patient has S.L.E. I just thought I'd mention.

**CUDDY: **What? Systemic Lupus Erythematosus?

**HOUSE: **Is that what the acronym stands for? I did not even thought it was an acronym…

**CUDDY: **Again. You're not her doctor. Give it a rest---_(hung up phone without waiting for him to reply) _

_(her phone rang again) _

**CUDDY: **What?

**HOUSE: **Tell her that. So from there, there really is no need for a CT for an SLE patient. I got it at the moment I saw the pathognomonic sign of butterfly like rashes on her patient's face---

**CUDDY: **_(hung up phone and went back to writing) _

_(then, her phone rang again) _

**HOUSE: **I'd really like to get into your pants.

**CUDDY: **No thanks. There's already one asshole in there… _(hung up again) _

_(then again, her phone rang...again) _

**CUDDY: **YOU CALL AGAIN AND YOU WILL REGRET YOU WERE EVEN BORN---uh---what? _(face turned pale) _I'm so sorry Mr. De Vito! No, of course not! It was just a---uh... I'm really sorry.

* * *

Please tell me what you think. I really need to know. If this is going to be a hit, update will be fast and ideas will flood. 

Open for suggestions.

Carpe Diem.


	2. WotW 2

Hello, Cool People!

Love you all for reviewing… Now, I think there's gonna be a story in here, just be attentive with the words and conversations… we'll see… until then I'll be subtle… heheh! Remembering the time I don't even know what subtle means…

New set of those, here goes…

Disclaimers, the usual, for the Love of God!

* * *

**CUDDY: **_(talking with someone in the phone while rummaging through the pile of charts) _

**HOUSE: **_(walks in with chart of exam room 2 patient in hand and settled at the nurse's station beside Cuddy) _

**CUDDY: **Cancel it. If those supplies will not be delivered in the agreed time then don't even dare deliver it! _(hung up and gestured to leave) _

**HOUSE: **wait, can you spell ICUP for me? I need to write it on this chart…

**CUDDY: **_(still rattled with the suppliers causing her trouble) _what ICUP? Or do you mean hiccup?

**HOUSE: **I think its ICUP.

**CUDDY:** I-C-U-P… I think…

**HOUSE: **You saw me pee? _(laughs profusely)_

**CUDDY: **_(looking puzzled) _What's funny?

**HOUSE: **You said, I---see---you---pee! _(laughs again)_

**CUDDY: **I did not saw you pee. _(walks away) _

**HOUSE: **_(laughter dissolves into a choke then cough then face turned to look serious) _

**BRENDA: **Hey, Dr. House, was that supposed to be a pick-up line? Cause, you know, it's a sucker. Don't ever think of using it again.

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**HOUSE: **Hello, Lisa Cuddy! Good Morning. I am Gregory House. You can call me Greg. I am funny, adorable, extremely sexy, seductively irresistible, financially stable and have a very interesting DNA structure.

**CUDDY: **_(whispered to his ear) _I already have a donor.

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**HOUSE: **Well, I am telepathic and I can tell that you love me, right?

**CUDDY: **No.

**HOUSE: **Damn! _(hit his forehead with his free hand)_I always get "love" and "lust" mixed up.

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**CUDDY:**_ (picked up a post-it sticking in her office door and read it in her mind)_

_Are you a Pokemon? 'Coz I'd really like to Pikachu! --- House._

_(smiles inwardly; crumpling the paper)_ He's pathetic… What a trash…

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_(Phone rings)_

**HOUSE: **_(lifted the phone and sniff his nose purposively) _uh---hello?

**CUDDY: **Why are you absent? Something wrong?

**HOUSE: **A---chooo!

**CUDDY: **Are you sick?

**HOUSE: **_(exhaled deeply) _I think I am.

**CUDDY: **Do you need something? You need me to drop by there?

**HOUSE: **Sure. You wanna come by my home for sex and pizza?

**CUDDY: **No!

**HOUSE: **No? You don't like pizza?

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**HOUSE: **Didn't anyone tell you that you wanted to sleep with me?

**CUDDY: **Not in this lifetime.

**HOUSE: **I thought you knew…

**CUDDY: **I thought so that you knew I never will.

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**HOUSE:** You're lips looks soo lonely. Would they like to meet mine?

**CUDDY:** No. It's married.

**HOUSE:** I don't see a wedding ring in it.

**CUDDY:** Believe me. It's married to Human Papillomavirus genotypes 16 and 18 of the papovavirus group of DNA viruses. You wouldn't want to pick a fight with him.

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**HOUSE:** Hi! Do you want to bear my children?

**CUDDY: **For the hundredth time today I would have to say "No."

**HOUSE: **Okay, then. Can we just practice?

**CUDDY: **Again, No!

**HOUSE: **I'm not trying to pressure you or anything… I don't want to have sex without mutual consent… And by the way, you have my consent.

**CUDDY:** Whatever.

**HOUSE:** Good. Then, let's go to my place and do the thing I'll tell everyone we did anyway.

* * *

There. 

Feed my narcissism. tell me which one you like.

_(singing) _Push the button and let me know… _(singing) _


	3. WotW 3

You're reviews are so cool. Made me feel good.

**Disclaimers**: I'm not claiming anything. I am nothing more than a lowly peasant with a creative mind. Yay, to communism!

* * *

**CHAPTER 2 Review Replies **(I love doing this) 

**house addict** – yeah, I think so that the pokemon and ICUP is bad, personally, like corny… but in the end it turned out to be famous one… and as I read about it more and more, I love it. Please enjoy this one, too.

**Girlwithwingsoffire** – okay, 20 bucks for the good giggle I gave you? Ooooh… forgot about the disclaimer thingy saying I am not gaining money from this… _Kidding_ Anyway, I'm so happy u like the previous chap. Hope you'll enjoy this too.

**HouseAddiction** – I am so happy I have you as an audience. Pizza… yeah, that's a personal favorite too. Hey! Hope u don't mind me sticking to your Huddy forum… I like it there… really nice people to talk to…

**Bubbles** – okay. Now you made me reconsider. The story I'm talking about is not a real story as in per se but a story that is hinted only by their conversations… still, I'm taking your advice into consideration… I'm rethinking how that would work… don't worry, I'll try my best not to ruin this for everyone…

**gabiroba** – talents? Yeah! I'm happy you think of that about me, hehehe. But I really have to work hard to improve my tenses, you know that. That's why I appreciate you so much for reading my fics although my grammar is such a mess. Thanks a lot.

**Serena** – yeah… that's really a good one… even my classmate pointed out that one because he loves the way cuddy replied to him…

**mj0621** – hey! Sis---I think I should call you Bes---u know in short for Bestfriend… you're like my best friend in the site… heheh… it's a good thing u have read one of mine… and remember when I asked you about me barrowing 2 lines of your story… I'll put it here… for credits, scroll down…

Thanks guys for the review. Hope you enjoy this.

* * *

**HOUSE: **Oooooch! _(banged the door close as he enters Exam Room 1 after Cuddy's patient went out)_

**CUDDY: **Huh?

**HOUSE: **My tooth hurts! _(one hand on jaw) _

**CUDDY: **Why? _(taking a tongue depressor from the supply cabinet, leaned over to face him and look at his mouth) _

**HOUSE: **_(kissed her quick in the lips) _

**CUDDY: **_(shocked: did not have the time to react) _

**HOUSE: **Because you are sooo sweeeeeet! _(fled fast) _

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**HOUSE: **You're bod is like a temple! _(shouted at cuddy as she pass by the diagnostics department) _

**CUDDY: **Sorry. No services today. _(without even stopping) _

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**HOUSE:** You know, with that tank top, it makes your fun bags really scream 'look at me.'

**CUDDY: **Well, at least I know someone's listening.

**HOUSE: **(_Damn. She got him at that.) _You're making me. Seducing me, I bet. You know, if you wanted to sleep with me all you have to do is ask.

**(part of the story Details by mj0621 )**

(I personally suggest you chack it out guys. Very cute fic.)

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**HOUSE: **Lisa, touch me?

**CUDDY:** Why?

**HOUSE:** So I can tell my friend over there, Wilson _(waved in the opposite side of the cafeteria)_, that I have been touched by an angel…

**CUDDY:** _(slapped him hard in the face) _

**HOUSE:** WHAT FOR?

**CUDDY:** So that you can tell him, as well as show him as evidenced by your reddened face that the angel can hit hard too.

**HOUSE: **You're no angel! You---Evil! EVIL WOMAN!

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**HOUSE: **The name is House. Gregory House.

**CUDDY:** The idea is lost. Get Lost----and GET A PATIENT!

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**HOUSE: **Aaaaaaaaaaw!

**CUDDY: **_(eyed him suspiciously) _

**HOUSE: **Aaaaah! Cuddy, I'm in pain!

**CUDDY: **_(eyed him lazily) _Why?

**HOUSE: **Because----

**CUDDY: **Is it because I'm soooo sweeeet!?!

**HOUSE: **whaaa---?

**CUDDY: **You already used that one, last week.

**HOUSE: **Uh,yeah_ (nodding his head in recall) _

**CUDDY: **Go for it. Push your luck. Don't you ever get tired of this?

**HOUSE: **Oh---and I remember the kiss---

**CUDDY: **What? You wanna die? _(pissed in recollection) _

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**HOUSE: **Was your father a thief? 'Coz, you know, someone stole the stars from the sky and put them in your eyes…

**CUDDY:** …

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**HOUSE:** _(sit by Cuddy's side at the bench at the lobby) _

**CUDDY: **_(acknowledged him by throwing him a glimpse) _

**HOUSE: **_(leaned over to make his lips parallel to her ears) _Take it easy, Cuddy. I know running a hospital is exhausting. Give yourself some time to relax.

**CUDDY: **_(touched by his gesture) _Thanks. This day has been really exhausting.

**HOUSE: **I finished clinic duty today, cured 87 patients the whole day I was at the clinic.

**CUDDY: **_(looked at him and smiled) _That's nice. That's actually one problem among the mountain-like others less for me.

**HOUSE: **Just take it easy. Don't be so hard on yourself. Everybody has problems.

**CUDDY: **You have any problem? _(concerned) _You need me to help you with it?

**HOUSE: **Believe it or not, getting laid is still hard when you're this good-looking. Are you sure you want to help? I'd really appreciate it.

**CUDDY: **_(eyes narrowed in sudden outflow of malice) _I just remembered the mountain-like other problems I'd have to face. Sorry, no time for you. Maybe you could ask Wilson instead. _(went up)_

**HOUSE:** I just comforted you, you know? You are very ungrateful!

* * *

Please review. 


	4. WotW 4

**CHAPTER 3 Review Replies **(love ko 'to)

**HouseAddict16** – yeah.. I thought of that for a long time… haha! Laughed at that myself.

**mj0621** – Okay lang mabaliw, Bes. Sabay tayo pa-admit sa mental! Basta may TV at DVD ng HOUSE MD tapos kakain at matutulog na lang pagkatapos magpapanggap na baliw habang-buhay! Baliw sa HUDDY! Ganda ng plano ko no?

**girlwithwingsoffire** – fine. I'd be glad to let go so that you'll get that HOUSE thingy you want. Your joy anyway is enough for me. I am already very grateful to your kind reviews.

**RogueButterfly** – w0w! One of the good writers I like is here! Nice! Wait… I won't pass the chance to nag you! GET TO YOUR STORY and WRITE! A-ba! Groove Armada! Groove Armada! Groove Armada! Groove Armada! Groove Armada! Groove Armada! Groove Armada! Groove Armada! Well, what can I say? I'm a fan.

**Mispent Youth** – ahahah! I laughed my ass out while wrting that!

**Kris the fanficaholic** – I am very happy for that.

**Isabel Juno** – I brought you flowers!

**Serena** – yes! I think so… The alien one… its cute… let me think if I can use that! ahahahaha!

**HouseAddiction** – FINALLY! I talked to you last valentine's day! Wehheeh! I forgot to greet you then… okay… I'm greeting you now…BELATED HAPPY VALENTINES (actually it goes for everyone)… marching with the HUDDY ARMY… lets go invite them too, eh?

**Bubbles** – okay. Fine. I give up. I'll let it stay as it is and my story writing goes to STATE OF FUGUE. I really give up. Please enjoy. Heheheh…

**TeresaB** – thank you so much!

And how about a GREYS and HOUSE crossover? With HUDDY of course… I saw one on the Greys page but it's a HAMERON… I am so envious… Who would like to co-write or write it yourself and I'll be the first audience? Feel free to PM me. I'll be more than happy to keep in touch.

Thank you for reviewing. You are all so nice. I enjoy doing this as well. Love you all.

**Disclaimers**: I own the show. No one crosses me. Pay me. Sue me. I am a beaver! Find me!

**

* * *

CUDDY: _(passed by Wilson's office and overheard Wilson and House talking) _**

**HOUSE: **_(performance level) _I would rather have had one breath of her hair, one kiss of her mouth, one touch of her hand---

**WILSON: **_(sighed)_haaaay…

**HOUSE: ---**than an eternity without it.

**CUDDY: **_(smiled to herself but remained quiet thinking whether House would use that as a pick-up line to her because seriously, House memorizing her favorite movie line will get through to her) _

**WILSON:** are you serious about using that line to her?

**HOUSE: **Any reasons why I can't?

**WILSON: **You forgot about the last line. _(looking at the piece of paper where the line of City of Angels was copied) _Nicholas Cage said "One" at the end of his line.

**HOUSE: **… one touch of her hand than an eternity without it. _(pause dramatically) _One.

**CUDDY: **_(failed to suppress the giggle and went in Wilson's office abruptly to cover her ass) _W---wilson! I want to ask something---Uh---House, hi!

_(awkward silence) _

_(awful smell followed) _

_(exchanges of suspicious stares)_

**HOUSE: **Hey, Cuddy! Somebody farted. Let's get out of here.

**CUDDY: **_(looked at Wilson and House: confused) _Sure.

_(House held her hand and winked at Wilson)_

**HOUSE: **---grab some coffee maybe, then catch a movie… _(to Cuddy)_

_(the two left until Wilson was left alone in his own office) _

**WILSON: **_(eyes widen when a realization dawn into him) _Hey! It wasn't me…

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**HOUSE: **Hey, Cutie!

**CUDDY:** What now?

**HOUSE:** No, not you. Your body.

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**HOUSE: **I'M GONNA HAVE SEX TONIGHT!

**CUDDY: **_(approached House to reprimand him for shouting at the lobby) _

**HOUSE: **_(looked at Cuddy and smirked at her) _I'm gonna have sex tonight! _(he told her) _

**CUDDY: **_(frown) _with whom?

**HOUSE: **Depends.

**CUDDY: **on what?

**HOUSE: **What are you doing tonight at around 1?

**CUDDY: **I think I'll be busy banging my head on the wall than to be alive only to spend it having sex with you, which I think I would definitely prefer.

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**HOUSE: **Excuse me. I have a problem.

**CUDDY: **Again?

**HOUSE:** _(eyed her as if saying whatever) _I wonder if you can help me.

**CUDDY:** Ok. I'll see what I can do. So what's your problem?

**HOUSE: **I have every STD in the book except for one and I think you can give it to me!

**CUDDY:** What?!?

**HOUSE:** So, infect me!

**CUDDY: **YOU READ MY FILE?

**HOUSE:** _(panicked) _What?

**CUDDY: **YOU READ MY FILE?

**HOUSE: **You have STD? _(Grossed out)_

**CUDDY: **_(smiled victoriously) _Gotcha!

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**HOUSE: **Success?

**CUDDY:** Yeah. I saved your ass again.

**HOUSE: **You are so good, Boss!

**CUDDY: **Next time try not to be sued.

**HOUSE:** You know, they say that behind every beautiful woman there is a beautiful behind.

**CUDDY:**My intention is not pure. I am not acting in kindness.

**HOUSE:** Oh, I know that. I am just making a point that well, your ass is gorgeous.

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**HOUSE: **This is a test of the emergency pick-up line service. Beeeeeeeep. If you had been any less beautiful, you would have heard a bad pick-up line.

**CUDDY: **It's bad. Really bad.

**HOUSE: **You heard that?

**CUDDY: **I would have to hear that.

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**HOUSE: **_(saw Cuddy leaving from the Clinic) _Hey! Where are you going?

**CUDDY: **Home.

**HOUSE:** You're not just gonna leave me here like this are you?

**CUDDY:** What will be your argument in convincing me to take you home with me?

**HOUSE:** _(he pointed his cane to a sign board) _Read that.

**CUDDY: **_(read in mind: **Don't leave your valuables unattended) **_

**HOUSE:**_(smiled childishly) _

**CUDDY: **Nice.

* * *

Third set. Love this. 


	5. WotW 5

**CUDDY: **Good Morning, Dr. House.

**HOUSE: **Good morning to you too. Wait, I have something to tell you.

**CUDDY: **What?

**HOUSE: **Your daddy must have been a baker because you've got a nice set of buns.

**CUDDY: **_(laughed at his class act) _You, of all people, should know that my father is never a baker.

**HOUSE: **_(confused that Cuddy did not get angry at his class act) _Of course I know that.

**CUDDY: **Goodbye now, Dr. House.

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**CUDDY: **_(rummaged the hospital only to find House eating in the canteen) _HOUSE! You have clinic duty, right at this hour.

**HOUSE: **_(took a bite and looked around) _Cuddles, what's it like being the most beautiful woman in the cafeteria?

**CUDDY: **_(smiled and sat herself across House)_ House, what's it like being the biggest liar in the world?

**HOUSE: **Oooh… low self-esteem… that's not good…

**CUDDY: **_(whispered) _You should know by now that flattering me will not save you from having to fill in your clinic hour requirements, right?

**HOUSE: **I really think that you're the best looking woman in here.

**CUDDY: **Really?

**HOUSE: **_(nodded) _Uh-huh.

**CUDDY: **Well, I'd better go find the best looking man then, hadn't I? While you better go finish clinic to save your job, hadn't you?

**HOUSE: **_(nodded) _Uh-huh.

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**HOUSE: **Dr. Cuddy! I'm developing a new hobby, you know?

**CUDDY: **Really? That's good. Because you know, it would mean less time left for you to bug me.

**HOUSE: **I like cooking now, you know.

**CUDDY: **Okay. That's good. Productive hobby, at least now you'd bug Wilson less too.

**HOUSE: **_(looked at her from head to foot maliciously) _So, how do you like your eggs in the morning? _(winks) _

**CUDDY: **_(rolled her eyes) _Unfertilized.

**HOUSE: **No kidding?

**CUDDY: **Argh, go to hell.

**HOUSE: **In vitro gone wrong?

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**HOUSE: **Can we talk?

**CUDDY: **About what?

**HOUSE: **_(changed voice) _So, baby, tonight, your place or mine?

**CUDDY: **Both. You'll go to your place. I'll go to mine, Nice talking to you.

**HOUSE: **You don't know what you're missing. I know how to please a woman.

**CUDDY: **Then, please leave me alone.

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**HOUSE: **Lisa, I just remembered. Do you know that we actually met before?

**CUDDY: **Of course. In Michigan U.

**HOUSE: **No. Even, before that.

**CUDDY: **I don't know remember...

**HOUSE: **Remember the dream you had of the perfect guy? I was standing to his right.

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**HOUSE:** I looked beautiful in the thesaurus today and your name was included.

**CUDDY: **Thanks! Hey, I saw you name too. It was labeled next to filthy.

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**HOUSE: **Do you believe in love at first sight or do you want me to walk by again?

**CUDDY: **Yeah, but this time don't bother to stop to annoy me.

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**HOUSE:** Hello. I'm doing a survey of what people think are the cheesiest pickup lines. So, do you pick "Do you come here often?" "What's your sign?" or "Hello. I'm doing a survey of what people think are the cheesiest pickup lines"?

**CUDDY: **I'll give you a dollar so you could ask someone else.

**HOUSE: **I'm sick and my medicine is to talk to you.

**CUDDY: **Yeah, like I would believe that.

**HOUSE: **Fine. Where's that dollar?

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**HOUSE: **Okay, so I came over here to ask you to dance, but I am kind of concerned, I mean, we could hit it off really well, end up having a few drinks, next thing you know you're giving me your number because I am too shy to ask for it. Then I finally get the nerve to call you and we take in a movie, have some dinner, I relax, you relax, we go out a few more times, get to know each other's friends, spend a lot of time together, then finally have get past the sexual tension and it really develop this intense sex life that is truly incredible, our relationship became solid and stable, so we move in together for a while, then a few months later get married, I get a promotion, you get a promotion, we buy a bigger house. You really want to have kids, but I really want freedom, but we have a kid anyway, only to find that I am resentful, the sparks started to fade and to rekindle them we have two more lovely kids, but now I work too much to keep up with the bills, have no time for you, you're stressed and stop really taking care of yourself, so to get past our slow sex life and my declining self confidence, I turned to an outside affair for sexual gratification. You'll find out because I'm careless and a lousy liar, you throw me out (justifiably so) and we have to explain to the kids why mommy and daddy are splitting up. That's just so sad. Think about the children! For god's sake! If you dance with me and we hit it off, let's just keep it sexual because we both know where it's going.

**CUDDY:** _(stared at him blankly) _

------------------------------------------------------------------------- -------------------------------------------------------

**HOUSE: **Hey, baby, do you wanna go to my place and hang out? _(wink wink)_

**CUDDY:**Baby me again, House and you'll be peeing though a catheter. _(wink wink)_

* * *

sorry if it took me too long to upload this. I ran out of ideas, until now. I rechecked the typos and corrected it already. Sorry about that too, coz I used Microsoft dictation with that one. My computer is deaf sometimes. 

Please review.


	6. WotW 6

**REVIEW REPLIES: **

**HouseAddiction** – hey! Long time, no chat! Sorry about all the typos this chapter have at the time you had read it. But it was so nice of you to leave a message. And oh, remember the story about a bet that I offered you to co-write with me? I have a revision to make, I'll probably e-mail it to you this week. I promise. I am working on that one. I'll discuss it with you, partner.

**mj0621** – I'm glad you're back in the scene, Bes! I was so happy to receive your email. And hey, I am working on the other story we have… the stellaxmacxcuddyxhouse in short the housexcsiny cross over **(YES PEOPLE, I AM ANNOUNCING IT! WE WILL BE DOING A HOUSExCSINY CROSSOVER)** I'll email it to you this week. Holy week is next week. I have plenty of time before summer semester enrollment. I hate school.

**JD11 **– wow! JD11 on the house! Great pleasure, really, really great! Thanks for your review. Hugs and kisses.

**Huddytheultimate** – Thanks for the reviews, you're just super overflowing with kindness and sweetness! Thanks for always reviewing my stories… And how long would it take for you to make another chapter of Instant Messaging? Sorry, I'm nagging.

**1985laurie** – Hello! Nice to meet you, its actually the first time you reviewed one of mine, I am so glad that you liked it. Thanks for telling me your opinion by sending me your review and by the way, what happened to the town party you went? Did any pick up lines thrown at you then worked? ; P Seriously?

**TeresaB** – as you wish, to bring you joy is all pleasure to me.

**HouseAddict16** – yes, Cuddy dishing all of his pick-up lines is driving my imagination crazy. Thanks for the review.

**gabiroba** – Yes! The eggs and the long speech is a personal favorite for me too.

**Bubbles** – finally, a "go" signal… ahahaha! You should know, what you say about this is story is important to me, buddy. Thanks for your constant review. You've been with me through this since the beginning. I am happy to have you as an audience.

So, thanks for bearing with that. I hope I brought you all joy after reading your personal reviews, I know review replies brings a certain feeling of importance after reading it. Don't get me wrong, all of you are really important to me.

Now, ta-da!

* * *

**HOUSE: **_(Approached Cuddy from her back) _

**CUDDY: **_(Startled by House's nearness to her face) _

**HOUSE: **_(Touched her face, shoulders, arms)) _Thank God, I thought you were only an illusion. A mirage.

**CUDDY: **Excuse me, you're touching me.

**HOUSE: **Do you know that there aren't enough "O" in the word "smooth" to describe how smooth you are to my touch?

**CUDDY: **I beg your pardon?

**HOUSE: **Smoo—oooooooo-oo---oth! _(hands going down her back to her waist)_

**CUDDY: **Hey! Let go!

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

**HOUSE: **You must be going to hell, because it's a sin to look that good.

**CUDDY: **No. You go to hell.

**HOUSE: **Because I look good too?

**CUDDY: **No, because you belong there.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

**HOUSE: **Good Morning, Cuddy!

**CUDDY: **Good morning to you too, Dr. House. Bright day is it?

**HOUSE: **_(nodded charmingly) _that's a nice watch.

**CUDDY: **Thank you.

**HOUSE: **Actually, that's a nice dress you're wearing today.

**CUDDY: **Again, thank you but if your planning on peeking through my breast again-----

**HOUSE: **Come to think of it, everything is nice on you.

**CUDDY:** _(closed the chart and passed it to the nurse) _Okay, that's it. Your compliments are starting to scare me.

**HOUSE: **You are a 9.999. You'd be a perfect 10 if you were with me.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

**HOUSE: **Cuddles, your breast reminds me of Mount Rushmore… my face should be among them…

**CUDDY: **In your dreams, you evil bastard!

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**HOUSE: **_(walked in the hospital doors) _

**CUDDY: **You're late, why am I not surprised?

**HOUSE: **Here are my keys.

**CUDDY: **I don't do confiscation of properties to punish employees.

**HOUSE: **Take it.

**CUDDY: **Why?

**HOUSE: **Here's the key to my house, my car, my bike… and my heart.

**CUDDY: **Seriously? Or is it a pick-up line?

**HOUSE: **And one last key to Motel Room Number 3 near the diner, tonight at 8. Wear something red and sexually arousing.

**CUDDY: **(w_alked towards the trashcan and after smiling at him, dropped it and walked away) _

**HOUSE: **Hey, that's a trashcan!

**CUDDY: **Exactly the point. _(went to her office) _

**HOUSE: **Cuddy, I'm serious about the key to my heart line.

**CUDDY: **Sure _(closed her office door and locked it) _

**HOUSE: **_(sighed) _SOMEBODY CALL MAINTENANCE!

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**HOUSE: **Wow!

**CUDDY: **What? Is that supposed to be another pick-up line? It's terrible.

**HOUSE: **You are so beautiful that you made me forget my pick-up line.

**CUDDY: **I think you are already experiencing memory gaps. Common indicator of old age, you know?

**HOUSE: **You know, seriously, as far as I can remember there are only two beautiful girls in the world.

**CUDDY:** I will assume one of the two is me and the other is who? Your mom? Stacey?

**HOUSE: **Neither. Because you _(pointing at her breast) _are both of them.

**CUDDY:** You are the most pathetic idiot in the face of the world.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

**HOUSE: **Was your father a 'meat burgler'?

**CUDDY:** _(rolled her eyes at him) _Not another line about my father… coz you know… another one and I'm telling him on you…

**HOUSE: **Because it looks like somebody took fine hams and shoved them down the back of your dress!

**CUDDY:** I am definitely telling him on you.

**HOUSE: **Don't you dare do that!

**CUDDY:** I will do that. The last time he was a baker, you said. Then a thief and now a meat burgler. You will be so dead.

**HOUSE: **I hate you.

**CUDDY: **_(mouthed) _D-E-A-D

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**HOUSE: **_(noticed Cuddy talking to a charming guy as both were waiting for the elevator door to open. He limped his way to them as fast as he could, and he was just in time to board it with them.)_

**CUTE OPD PATIENT: **_(talking to Cuddy) _I would like to call you. _(smiled handsomely to her) _

**CUDDY: **_(looked at the guy and smiled sweetly) _

**HOUSE: **_(Just when Cuddy is about to open her mouth to answer House spoke) _It's in the phone book.

**CUDDY: **_(snapped her head at House) _HOUSE! _(whispered to him) _We are talking here

**HOUSE:** You two are not talking. You two are flirting.

**CUDDY: **Look at him; he's irresistible _(still whisphering)_.

**CUTE OPD PATIENT: **Ahm, excuse me. _(to Cuddy)_ I would really like to call you, to ask you out sometime.

**HOUSE:**I already told you, it's in the phone book!

**CUTE OPD PATIENT: **But I don't know her name.

**HOUSE:**It's in the phone book too.

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**HOUSE: **Rejection can lead to emotional stress for both parties involved and emotional stress can lead to physical complications such as headaches, ulcers, cancerous tumors, and even death! So for my health and yours: JUST SAY YES!

**CUDDY: **_(silently walked out the exam room) _

**HOUSE: **_(sighed and thought: **Damn! It didn't work.**) _

**CUDDY: **_(went back in after a few seconds) _Okay. But I won't be out of the hospital until 8:30. I have a meeting. We could go out, that is if you can wait…

**HOUSE: **_(stared at her blankly) _Sure.

**CUDDY: **Okay. _8:30 then. (reluctantly nodded then she walks away) _

**HOUSE: **_(smiled and limped through the door to watch her leave) _See you later.

* * *

I hope you like it!

I love this chap. Go ahead, push the button and post a review.

I would love to hear from you, people.


	7. WotW7

Thanks for the reviews. I am happy you liked it. Please don't get tired of reviewing.

* * *

_(Date) _

**HOUSE: **_(went to the restroom) _

**CUDDY: **_(left alone; sitting in the bar) _Sorry, that seat is taken.

**YOUNG GUY: **_(sat beside Cuddy) _Listen to this: my buddies over there said that I wouldn't be able to start a conversation with the most beautiful woman in the bar. Wanna buy some drinks with some of their money?

**CUDDY: **_(frown at the guy's audacity) _

**HOUSE: **_(coming back; approached the guy)_ Excuse me, do you even have any idea how much money this woman earns per year? Per month? Your bet money with your friends will look like shit in a farmland! Go back to your buddies, kid and stick to the lemon juice. Tell them you were able to start a conversation with the most handsome man in the bar though.

**CUDDY: **_(shook her head as the young guy walk away from them) _

**HOUSE: **Those idiots, trying to pick you up!

**CUDDY: **_(sipped her beer; looking at House meaningfully) _

**HOUSE: **WHAT?

**CUDDY: **You're ugly when you're jealous. _(Mimicking House when he said that to her.) _

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

**HOUSE: **_(walked up to Cuddy and bit her in the shoulder) _

**CUDDY: **What are you doing?

**HOUSE: **Sorry. I was taking a bite out of a crime.

**CUDDY:** What!?!

**HOUSE: **Well, it has to be illegal to look that good.

**CUDDY: **_(still uncomfortable) _Well, then, get a lawyer. I'll sue you.

**HOUSE: **You must be kidding.

**CUDDY: **I'll get you for physical injuries.

**HOUSE: **_(fascinated) _Not sexual harassment?

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

**HOUSE: **_(bumped at Cuddy down the corridor) _

**CUDDY: **Careful, watch where you are going.

**HOUSE: **If I knew how hot you were I would have grabbed your ass instead of bumping into you.

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**CUDDY: **_(having a bad day; walking down the University campus)_

**HOUSE:** Cuddles!

**CUDDY: **_(sighed) _Not today, House. Technically, not now.

**HOUSE: **Hey, I'd just tell you---don't frown. You'll never know who might be falling in love with your smile.

**CUDDY:**_(smiled) _thoughtful.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

**HOUSE: **C!

**CUDDY: **yep?

**HOUSE: **If you were a "phaser gun" you'd be set on "STUNNING." _(pretending to have been stunned) _

**CUDDY: **You a fan of Star Trek, House? I thought you hate SciFi.

**HOUSE: **Oh, you don't know that. I fancy Captain Janeway and Subcommander T'Pol. _(winks) _I love SciFi.

**CUDDY: **Do you know that I have a thing for Spock?

**HOUSE: **That pointed?

**CUDDY: **No, that handsome.

**HOUSE: **He's over twenty years older than you.

**CUDDY: **Whatever.

**HOUSE: **Yeah, whatever.

**CUDDY: **Okay. I got to run.

**HOUSE: **Sure. Bye.

**CUDDY: **Live long and prosper.

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_(House's dream) A black man, white guy and House were at a bar. _

**SEDUCTIVE CUDDY: **Whoever can use the words "liver" and "cheese" with style can have me tonight.

**WHITE GUY: **Stake that "liver" and melt that "cheese: on me.

**BLACK MAN:**I hate "liver" but I want "cheese" as much as I want you.

**HOUSE: **Hey, you two! "Liver" alone. "Cheese" mine.

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**HOUSE: **Tonight you know that you will be sitting on your bed and you will be holding your pillow close to your body and wish that it was me pressing against your chest.

**CUDDY: **If I had to choose between one night with you or winning the lottery. I would choose winning the lottery. But it would be close, real close.

**HOUSE: **But I hadn't given you any choice. There's no option such as winning the lottery.

**CUDDY:** _(smiled teasingly) _I know.

**HOUSE: **Ooooooh… are you picking me up?

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**HOUSE: **_(found Wilson and Cuddy talking after the board meeting, limped to them) _

**WILSON: **Hello, House.

**CUDDY: **_(smiled at him)_

**HOUSE: **_(handed Wilson a $20) _You're right. _(looked at Cuddy in the eyes) _Those are the most beautiful eyes I have ever seen.

**WILSON:** _(puzzled) _I said that?

**CUDDY: **_(smiled inwardly) _


	8. WotW8

My thanks to: Huddytheultimate, HouseAddiction, BookwormKiwi (thanks for coming back too!), gabiroba, RogueButterfly, mj0621, Bubbles and Scuddyrific.

Your reviews always made me feel better.

* * *

**CUDDY: **HOUSE!

**HOUSE: **Waited on me to say your sweetest good morning?

**CUDDY: **Not really because I've waited on you to say you have a lecture on Auditorium room three tomorrow morning. Prepare a lesson plan.

**HOUSE: **That, I intend to forget everyday but you just don't let me over a quarter of the day without reminding it again to me.

**CUDDY: **Better stalk you this way than a no-show.

**HOUSE: **Riiiiiiiiiiighhhhhhht! _(turned to walk away) _

**CUDDY: **And House?

**HOUSE: **Huh?

**CUDDY: **From the deepest bone marrow, to the tiniest tendons, up to the hair follicles and sweat glands of my sexy body. I am giving my sweetest greeting --- Good morning.

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**HOUSE: **You know what? Your eyes are the same color as my Porsche. Want to have a ride?

**CUDDY: **You don't have a Porsche.

**HOUSE: **Ow, I do.

**CUDDY: **Fine. What's its color?

**HOUSE: **Red.

**CUDDY: **Uh… and it's the same color as my eyes? Sweet.

**HOUSE:** That's not the point. The point is that you'd look good in it. Let me give you a ride home.

**CUDDY: **Send it back to the mafia. It's bribe. You don't need another lawsuit.

**HOUSE:** Tomorrow, after I give you a ride home.

**CUDDY: **I don't want anything to do with it.

**HOUSE:** _(led Cuddy to the parking lot and showed the car) _You like that, ha? _(teasingly)_

**CUDDY: **_(bit her lower lip) _Damn. _(leaned closer to House to whisper) _Don't tell anyone I know it was a gift from the mobsters.

**HOUSE: **_(made an innocent face) _Me neither. I don't know whom its from.

**CUDDY: **But send it back tomorrow.

**HOUSE: **Cross my heart, hope to die.

**CUDDY: **Get in. I'm driving.

**HOUSE:** But Cuddy! It's my Porsche…

**CUDDY: **I'll drive it on my way home. You drive it on your way home.

**HOUSE: **Some compromise, huh? Already fighting for custody?

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**HOUSE: **Has anyone told you, you have Scandinavian hands?

**CUDDY: **Uh, no.

**HOUSE: **No, of course not. That would be an incredibly stupid thing to say, wouldn't it?

**CUDDY: **No objection there.

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**HOUSE: **_(barged through Cuddy's office with a red rose on his hand) _

**CUDDY: **What? _(Lifted her head up from the paperwork) _

**HOUSE:** Do you have a moment?

**CUDDY: **How about now?

**HOUSE:** _(gave Cuddy the single rose) _I wanted to show this rose how incredibly beautiful you are.

**CUDDY: **_(sighed) _What, now?

**HOUSE: **It's sweet, huh? Don't you think? I brought you flowers.

**CUDDY: **Oh, drop it. What do you want?

**HOUSE: **_(cute smile) _I need another nerve biopsy.

**CUDDY: **What? You already took one?

**HOUSE: **Ooooowwh! Look at the Rose… so beautiful…

**CUDDY: **_(cute smile)_ enough already. Go away. Thanks for the rose anyway.

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**HOUSE: **Hello, sunshine.

**CUDDY: **Why do you keep calling me that?

**HOUSE: **Because you are so beautiful that you give the sun a reason to shine.

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**HOUSE: **WHERE IS YOUR PAPER BAG?

**CUDDY: **What? Why are you angry?

**HOUSE:** YOUR PAPER BAG TO PUT OVER YOUR HEAD!

**CUDDY: **Excuse me?

**HOUSE:** It's dangerous for someone like you to be out in public with all those HORNY PEOPLE around. But don't worry, I'll protect you.

**CUDDY: **No, no, no. No. You're not coming with me.

**HOUSE: **I'm your boyfriend.

**CUDDY: **Says who?

**HOUSE: **Says me.

**CUDDY: **It's an official business party. You're not invited, boy---friend.

**HOUSE:** Tell them I'm your escort.

**CUDDY: **Wilson is escorting me.

**HOUSE:** That wreck!

**CUDDY: **He's a board member.

**HOUSE: **Here.

**CUDDY: **What's this?

**HOUSE: **PAPER BAG. Put that on.

**CUDDY: **_(blurted out laughing) _You bet.

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**HOUSE: **I talked to a shrink.

**CUDDY: **Finally.

**HOUSE: **You know there was something that he said that bothered me.

**CUDDY: **I have a feeling you'll tell me what it was without me even asking about what it was.

**HOUSE: **You know, Dr. Phil said I'm afraid of commitment. Want to help prove him wrong.

**CUDDY: **Dr. Phil is a surgeon. I know my doctors.

**HOUSE: **Not that Dr. Phil. The Dr. Phil on TV.

**CUDDY: **…

**HOUSE:** Say something.

**CUDDY: **What do you want me to say?

**HOUSE: **Anything.

**CUDDY: **Okay.

**HOUSE: **Okay what?

**CUDDY: **See you tomorrow.

* * *

As always, please review.

Wait I have an advertisement, I have a new story to promote. I wish you could pay it a visit and give it a try. Please.

**Title:** Dating Contract

**Pairing:** Cuddy/House

**Timeline:** Pre-series. College student Cuddy, legendary House, even before Stacey. You'll know.

**References: **Humpty Dumpty (2:3) Cameron asking Cuddy if she just knew him as a legend and from House's remark "no more naughty school girl" on Mob Rules (1:something) to Vogler about Cuddy. And the latest (you know… in season 3…), the "get over me" conversation.

**Summary: **Cuddy has to finish her thesis paper and needs a boyfriend as a material for the research. House has to mend a broken heart caused by his first fiancee. They met through Cuddy's friend which is also House's cousin. Then, they decided to date for a month. Well, that's actually the few chapters. I just gave it away.

Thanks.


	9. WotW 9

Anyeong haseyo!

A-ra-so, a-ra-so _(meaning, "I know, I know" in Korean)_ it took me a long time for this chapter upload, but hey I made this one long. So, don't kill me… pweease…

Ku-mapta _(meaning, "I'm sorry" in Korean)_.

And yes, I've been trying to learn to speak Korean using some of their popular dramas with superb English subtitles. Plus, I have been busy with school. It is my intention to graduate Nursing by October next year rather than on March 2009, so I can't afford to fail anymore subjects that may cause some major delay.

Note: Try to recall where the previous chapter had left us. Kan-sa-hamnida _(meaning, "Thank You" in Korean)_.

* * *

**HOUSE: **_(wearing a tuxedo) _Would you like to dance?

**CUDDY: **_(shocked and flustered) _Whatare you doing here?!

**HOUSE: **Uh…asking you to dance?

**CUDDY: **_(rolled her eyes in annoyance) _But you're not invited, I believe I made that clear to you the last time we talked.

**HOUSE: **_(tried to look innocent)_ Oh, well---

**CUDDY: **_(threw him daggers with her stare)_

**HOUSE: **---I, just, ah---wanted to ask you to dance...

**CUDDY: **_(dropped her jaw in realization of his insensitivity)_ You're not even invited!

**HOUSE: **I know. Ow, but they don't _(pointed his mouth to the direction of the party ushers)_.

**CUDDY: **_(sighed sharply in surrender)_

**HOUSE: **So, back to the original intent: would you like to dance?

**CUDDY: **Not with you.

**HOUSE: **Oh, c'mon! Lower your standards a little.

**CUDDY: **I just did. You didn't make it!_ (walked away)_

**HOUSE: **_(left alone in his seat) _Someone is pissed…

**WILSON:** Someone is so dead.

**HOUSE: **_(gave him the evil eye)_.

**WILSON:** How did you get in here anyway?

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Later that same evening:

**HOUSE: **Last chance: do you wanna dance?

**CUDDY: **Yeah---

**HOUSE: **I knew it you'd never let this one last chance to dance with me pass.

**CUDDY: **---but still, not with you.

**HOUSE: **_(disappointed, annoyed and humiliated)_ You must've misunderstood me. I said, YOU LOOK FAT IN THOSE PANTS!_ (walked away)_

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The next morning in PPTH:

**HOUSE: **Congratulations, you have been voted Most Beautiful Woman in the Free-Out-Patient-Clinic Waiting-for-Dr. House-to-appear-to-Exam Room One Line, and the grand prize is free booze for the evening. Drink 'til you drop drunk!

**CUDDY: **No thanks. I'll just take the cash.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

**HOUSE: **I think I'm dead because you have to be an angel for looking so lovely like that.

**CUDDY: **You're not dead---but it can certainly be arranged if you like.

**HOUSE: **But what if the situation has changed, what if I'm going to die tomorrow? What do you say about forgiving me already then we kiss and make-out tonight to make my last night on Earth a happy one?

**CUDDY: **If you don't get out of here in 5 seconds I'll make it so you die tonight.

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**HOUSE: **Hey---DID IT HURT?

**CUDDY: **_(annoyed because his yell just disturbed her lecture on Microbiology to Med students) _What?

**HOUSE: **FALLING FROM THE SKY? Because you look heavenly, "heavenly body"---you know.

**CUDDY: **Hey, House, I know what will probably hurt---my knee in your balls.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

**HOUSE: **If I had a dollar for every time I saw someone as beautiful as you, I'd have one dollar.

**CUDDY: **If I had a dollar for every time I saw someone as ill-fated, pathetic and egoistic as you, I'd have a dollar too.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

**CUDDY: **_(phone rang in the nurse's station)_ Hello? Okay. Just a minute… Dr. House…

**HOUSE: **For me?

**CUDDY: **_(nodded and went on to charting)_

**HOUSE: **Hello? Hello?_(turned to Cuddy) _There's nobody here…

**CUDDY: **Must've hung up already.

**HOUSE: **Do you know who it was?

**CUDDY: **It was your town who called. They said they want their idiot back.

**HOUSE: **Oh, but they will be disappointed. I can't just leave. I have tenure.

**CUDDY: **_(slightly puzzled)_How was it connected to your tenure?

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Lunch time at PPTH Cafeteria:

**HOUSE:** Cuddy, what are you eating?

**CUDDY: **Vegetable pasta.

**HOUSE:** How about I feed you? It'd be adorable.

**CUDDY: **No. How about instead, I drive this fork through your hand?

**HOUSE: **That would hurt.

**CUDDY: **Sort of my point.

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**HOUSE: **Can you spell pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcaniconiosis?

**CUDDY: **No.

**HOUSE: **Me neither. I just thought I would ask.

**CUDDY: **Go away.

**HOUSE: **Have you forgiven me already? _(Cuddy walked away) _Was that a "no"?

**CUDDY: **Figure it out.

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**HOUSE: **Cuddy, how about you come over here and give me a kiss already?

**CUDDY: **House, I wouldn't touch you with a 39 and a half foot pole!

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**HOUSE: **If you were my patient's chart, I would be doing you in my desk right now.

**CUDDY: **I doubt it; you rarely do your charting. You're always far behind.

**HOUSE: **Yeah, but still, if you were---I would make an exception.

**CUDDY: **I'm flattered.

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**HOUSE: **They say kissing is the language of love. What do you say we indulge in a little conversation?

**CUDDY: **Why don't you have a conversation with the hospital's incinerators instead?

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**HOUSE: **Cuddy, let's go out sometime. Maybe after you're annoyance had subsided and you had calmed down?

**CUDDY: **What?

**HOUSE: **I asked if you wanted to go out.

**CUDDY: **God, sorry, I missed it again. What?

**HOUSE: **DO.YOU. WANT. TO. GO. OUT. WITH. ME?

**CUDDY: **Sorry, I can't hear you at all. It must be because I don't speak Loser. _(walked out the hospital doors and went her merry way to her car)_

**HOUSE: **Yeah… you say that now…

* * *

There, how about you forgive me and push that purple button. Down there, yeah---right---that one.

Right there. That one.


	10. Cuddy's missing chart

**Cuddy is missing a chart. House and Wilson have it.**

* * *

**Name of Patient: **Gregory House

_**HOUSE:** Owh, Wilson you want to really REALLY start with this?_

**Chief Complaint: **Love-NOT… _hahaha, NOTloved--at all._

**DIAGNOSIS: **Severe CUDDYcardia with intermittent tachypnea

_**WILSON:** AND sexual hallucination and delusion of grandeur…_

_**HOUSE:** AND priapism on certain evenings, triggered by sexual fantasies on flashbacks._

_**WILSON:** Get over it, House--It was a mistake. _

_**HOUSE:** It was never a mistake to try and taste me. _

_**WILSON:** Tell that to her. Winks. _

**Causative Agent: **Rubel-LISA virus

**WILSON:** _What no comment, House?_

_**HOUSE**:_ _Whatever. Nice virus name by the way. _

**History of Present illness: **Mild crush since Michigan years, classmates in Microbio.

Rubel-LISA virus invades the heart stimulates sympathetic response such as dyspnea, mydriasis, tachycardia, palpitation, flushing, diaphoresis, increase visual acuity--

_**HOUSE:** --on really REALLY skinny skirts_

--and transient hyperglycemia--**LOVE--** initial diagnosis of Dr. Wilson

_**WILSON**_:_--the best ever oncologist in history._

_**HOUSE:** A big idiot in his own right, by the way._

_**WILSON:** Let's laugh to that, House--harharhar, ;P_

**Laboratory Work-ups: **

LOVE RESULT: POSITIVE

KILIG FACTOR: 9.8x106

_**WILSON:**_ _So, so more than the normal values._

CHEST X-RAY: Cardiomegaly.

ELECTROCARDIOGRAM: Sinus TachyCUDDY

PERFORMANCE RATING: 0

_**WILSON**:_ _As in, ZERO moves._

_**HOUSE:** As if I can if it's hard. EVIL GRIN. _

_**WILSON:** You really gross me out sometimes._

_**HOUSE:** Only sometimes?_

SPERM COUNT: Still complete. No sign of recent ejaculation.

**Anatomy and Physiology: **

_**WILSON:** Let me get back on that one later…_

_**HOUSE:** Forgetting your basics, Doc?_

_**WILSON:** It's just… that… I want it on a diagram… _

_**HOUSE:**Ows? Why are your eyes turned to the left?_

_**WILSON**: I glanced at something--_

_**HOUSE:**When you lie, you turn your head to your left._

_**WILSON:** You noticed?_

_**HOUSE:**Yes, and I noticed also that you turn your hear to your right every time you kiss a girl and then you would-- _

_**WILSON:** ENOUGH._

**Pathophysiology of Gregory House's Love Affair: **

_**HOUSE**:__What? It kind a sounds stupid, don't you think?_

_**WILSON:** No. _

_**HOUSE:**No?_

_**WILSON**: No. _

**PREDISPOSING FACTORS**: Status SINGLE--

_**WILSON:**_ _and pathetic, and miserable…_

_**HOUSE:**My misery gives you joy.;_

--Red Cross EMT and Instructor Volunteers

_**WILSON:** circa 19-forgotten._

_**HOUSE:**What? You want to talk AGE now?_

_**WILSON:** Uhm, no._

_--_Groupmates in Microbiology Laboratory; Schoolmates at Michigan;

Common friends include Wilson ONLY--NOTHING FOLLOWS;

Common interest include SARCASM;

_**HOUSE:** and sex. You're forgetting Sex, Wilson._

--and Friendsters.

**PRECIPITATINGFACTORS:** Love Coach and Adviser INCLUDE Wilson.

_**WILSON:** Nothing follows_

Rubel-LISA virusattacks the heart

releases love hormones

stimulates sympathetic response

Vasocontriction: decrease venous return and oxygen supply

_**HOUSE:** where?_

_**WILSON:** On certain areas..._

Leading to a compensatory mechanism of SinusTachyCUDDY

misfiring of electrical impulses

altered level of consciousness like agitation, restlessness and stride desperate remarks

metastasis into the brain

affectation and effect on the limbic system

**LOOOOOOOOOVE_._**

_**HOUSE:** and you think you're so smart? wait 'til I even the odds. _


End file.
